i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
