It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
