Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
