I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
