FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
