We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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