we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
