Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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