"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
