4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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