Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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