I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize