Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
