I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize