Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
