Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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