What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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