I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
