At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
