I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's official drugs can't kill me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
