i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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