we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize