Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
