I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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