Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
