They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
