There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
