Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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