i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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