All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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