is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
