the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
