im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I want her autograph on my taint
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
