apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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