You smell like stripper and shame
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
