I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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