I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
