3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
