Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
