I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Couch. On fire.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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