we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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