On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
