i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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