Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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