I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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