you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
