we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
