Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
