how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Randomize
