I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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