Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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