If i come over, it means nothing
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
