She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
