She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
