the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
my liver is dry heaving
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
