I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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