i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
