Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
