Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
