did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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