i jhust puked up my retainher.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
