All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
