I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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