I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
