For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
