Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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