I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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