Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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