Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Are we still banned from the library?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
