you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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