I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
