I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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