in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
