i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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