tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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