I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
