it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
