i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
