I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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