Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
