SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
